London is a city that never sleeps, constantly on the move and constantly in flux. From trendsetting culture to cutting edge architecture and fashion, London has it all. It also has a huge population and a chaotic feel that make it a joy to visit for some and a nightmare for others. The Concierge explores the hotels, sights and sounds that make London a drawing card for millions of visitors each year.

10 First Time Experiences

London Eye: The London Eye is a fun way to see London from a different viewpoint. Book a spot in advance because there are line-ups to ride the world's largest Ferris wheel. The 30 minute trip will cost you about $22 US.

For more, go to www.londoneye.com

Buckingham Palace: The Queen's house is a majestic piece of architecture and the changing of the guards is a highlight event for young and old. Try to take a tour of the palace if you have the time.

For more information, go to www.royal.gov.uk/output/Page1.asp

Hampton Court Palace: King Henry VIII's palace is another great example of English architecture and history that is a true must-see for first time visitors, time permitting. Keep in mind that a visit to the castle is basically a day trip, so you might want to put Henry off until your next London stay.

For more, go to www.hrp.org.uk/webcode/home.asp

Cabinet War Rooms: The Cabinet War Rooms are an example of historical preservation at its finest. The underground rooms, which served as British headquarters and one of Churchill's offices during the Second World War, were sealed at the end of the war and reopened decades later. What was discovered inside were papers, maps and other accoutrements used during the war effort, left exactly as they were when the rooms were sealed in 1945. The resulting snapshot of the backroom British war machine is a treat for history buffs and casual historians, alike.

For more on the War Rooms, see www.iwm.org.uk/cabinet/

St. Paul's Cathedral: Of London's many impressive places of worship, The Concierge would put St. Paul's only second to Westminster Abbey in grandeur. Plan to spend a good amount of time wandering St. Paul's and take a guided tour if you can to learn more about the building's history.

For more, go to www.stpauls.co.uk

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre:. The theatre allows visitors to experience an exact replica of the environment where Shakespeare’s most famous works were originally staged. Try to catch a performance if you can and get a real feel for how English audiences enjoyed the theatre in his time.

To learn more about the Globe Theatre, go to www.shakespeares-globe.org

Tate Modern: One of the world's great modern art museums, the Tate Modern is worth at least a day's exploration. The Concierge particularly enjoyed the collection of Andy Warhol works on display.

For more on the Tate's collections, go to www.tate.org.uk/home/default.htm

Tower of London: The royal fortress is a must-see on any visit to London, but beware the long line-ups, especially in summer.

To learn more about the tower, go to www.historicroyalpalaces.org/webcode/tower_home.asp

Vinopolis: This is a fun way to spend an afternoon learning the ABC's of winemaking, tasting and collecting. It's a relatively inexpensive few hours, especially for wine enthusiasts. The adjacent wine shop offers a fine selection and prices are very reasonable.

For more, go to www.vinopolis.co.uk/

British Museum: If there was a template for ideal museum design, this would be it. The Concierge managed to cover most of what he wanted to see at the enormous British Museum comfortably in a day. Many people are surprised to discover that admission is free, a bonus in this notoriously expensive city. Be sure to make time to see the Elgin Marbles. The friezes from the façade of the Parthenon in Athens are some of the finest examples of ancient sculpture in the world. They are also a source of controversy. On an earlier trip to Greece, The Concierge was surprised to see open protests from the Greek government on plaques around the grounds of the Parthenon, demanding the return of the Marbles to Greece. Controversy aside, the Marbles are impressive wherever they are stored. And, for the record, the British don’t plan on returning them anytime soon. Try to catch the famed Rosetta Stone, as well as the Africa exhibit on the lower level. The museum has an excellent collection of African art and artifacts—one of the few museums The Concierge has visited that properly and adequately displays art from the region.

For more on mummies, armor and the rest of the incredible collection, go www.thebritishmuseum.ac.uk/

Victoria and Albert Museum: The Victoria and Albert collection is extremely diverse and ranges from decorative arts from Renaissance Italy and the Middle East, to contemporary gowns by some of the most famous haute couture designers. The collections here are a bit less conventional than you might expect, so be prepared for a different experience.

For details on the collection that The Concierge only wishes he owned, click on www.vam.ac.uk/

London Dungeon: If you’re into mass murder, death sentences and all things macabre, this is the attraction for you. The Dungeon has a feature on Jack the Ripper’s infamous 19th century killing spree, as well as the chance to be sentenced to death by an 18th century judge. Sounds like fun! Another exhibit focuses on the Great Fire of London, while yet another offers the chance to cruise the Thames on the Judgment Day ride. The torture chamber is really the icing on the cake for this fun bit of London’s darker side. Entrance is about $22 US. Take the tube to London Bridge stop.

For the full gory details, check out www.thedungeons.com/
 
The Clink Prison Museum: The Concierge stumbled upon ‘the Clink’ on the way to Vinopolis (they’re only a few minutes from each other). Those who think a prison term in 16th century London was a walk in the park should pay a visit to this replica prison to learn about the hellish conditions. Debtors were imprisoned next to murderers and thieves and even had to pay for their own stay behind bars. The Clink Prison Museum does a good job at portraying the awful conditions in British prisons and is about $10 US to see.

For more details on why breaking the law in medieval London was a bad idea, go to www.clink.co.uk

Houses of Parliament: The Houses of Parliament are relatively accessible to the general public when the House is in recess. If Members of Parliament are in session, it offers the chance to see the legislative madness unfold live and in person. Try to take a tour to learn more about the history of these buildings and the British system of government. Ask your guide about the smooth feet of the statues in the lobby of the House of Commons and why Winston Churchill’s is shinier than all the rest. Just a hint: it has to do with good luck and which party has been in power in Britain the longest. For the answer, you’ll just have to go and visit yourself.

For more on the Houses of Parliament, visit www.parliament.uk/

National Gallery: The Concierge made the mistake of virtually running through the National Gallery in about an hour and a half after spending the entire day at the British Museum. Not a good idea! Take at least a half day to absorb the Gallery’s incredible collection. The Concierge was impressed by the huge Renaissance art collection, as well as the impressionist works, the most memorable being works by Monet. Admission is always free.

For more information on one of the world’s greatest art collections, go to www.nationalgallery.org.uk/
 
Westminster Abbey: What is truly impressive about Westminster Abbey are the sheer number of notable British aristocrats, artists, writers and politicians buried under one   roof. The statues of the deceased notable Britons are so numerous that they literally stand three deep in some places and obscure each other. Notable features include the classic Gothic architecture, the Coronation Chair made in 1300 and the Poets’ Corner. Admission is about $15 US--a bit pricey for church entrance fees, but once inside you’ll  be glad you spent the money.

To learn more about the many important Britons laid to rest here, go to www.westminster-abbey.org/
 
Imperial War Museum: From armor, to uniforms, to arms, this building houses everything to do with war from throughout Britain’s history. The re-created First World War trench attempts to simulate the smells, sounds, and stress of trench warfare, while the submarine allows visitors the chance to wander in the cramped quarters of one of the underwater vessels.

For more, go to www.iwm.org.uk

Madame Tussaud's: This is The Concierge’s chance to ‘wax’ poetic about a popular London attraction. Madame Tussaud’s is a bit of a tacky tourist landmark, but is still a lot of fun nonetheless. It’s also renowned as one of the world’s best wax museums. When was the last time you got to stand this close to this many famous people? Take the tube to Baker Street stop.
 
Natural History Museum: Exhibits range from a massive collection of mammals, to a kids’ interactive insect exhibit, to a collection of dinosaur fossils that is the best that The Concierge has ever seen. Be sure to check out the very realistic animatronic tyrannosaurus rex. Budget a few hours to explore and maybe double that time allotment if kids are in tow. 

For more on the museum’s vast collection of mammals, reptiles and birds, go to www.nhm.ac.uk

For everything you need to know about London, go to
www.visitbritain.com

Sound Sleeps

To put it bluntly, accommodation in London can be extraordinarily expensive. The Mandarin Hotel located in chic Knightsbridge features an Asian theme in its décor and has rooms that begin at  around $498 per night. The luxurious Trafalgar Hilton has rooms starting at a whopping $626 per night, whereas Dukes Hotel with its cosy bar and and close proximity to St. James Palace goes for about $491 per night. One of Link's favourite London hotels, the Queensgate, is in a great part of town and features rooms with cutting edge minimalist design. A very cool place to spend time while in London.  Rooms here start at $352 per night. For those who can't afford to pay more than $200 per night for a room, the Comfort Inn at King's Cross has starting rates at a more reasonable $191 per night and the Holiday Inn Express Hammersmith has rooms that start at $176per night. Lastly, for those on a tight budget, Astor's Hyde Park Inn is a good hostel that has beds for between $20-$48 per night, depending on the season. Link had a great time here and found it to be clean and close to major sights, making sightseeing much easier.

En Route

The best way to get around London is by using the tube. It is fast, generally reliable and will take you anywhere you want to go in the city. The Concierge always picks up a tube pass for his stays in London. Although he tries to walk to as many places as possible, London is a huge city and sometimes the tube is essential in getting from one place to another. Cabs are also a good way of getting around at non-peak times (London traffic can be brutal!).
To get to Heathrow Airport, take the Piccadilly Line which gives you access to all of the airport's terminals. The trip will cost about $12 US and is well worth the money if you want to avoid traffic hassles and the almost guaranteed delays of taking a cab. As for safety, London is a very large city and as in all large cities, bad things can happen. Try to keep your wallet in your front pocket on the tube and in crowded tourist areas like museums and churches to avoid pick-pocketing. Overall, though, The Concierge has never felt unsafe in London.

On the tip of The Concierge’s tongue

Here are a few slang terms to guide you through a visit to London:

'andsome.....(handsome) - very good
anorak.....geek, nerd
aggro......short form for violence or aggravation
Harry Monk......rhyming slang for spunk
Stuffed........done in, ripped off, in trouble etc.
Slaphead......a bald person.
Brill........short for 'brilliant'
(the) business....seriously good/wicked/cool
damage.......cost (ie."what's the damage ?")
doughnut......a complete idiot or fool
khazi.......washroom (from the Indian).
Kip.........sleep or nap
Trashed......common term for getting very drunk
trouble and strife....rhyming slang for 'wife'.
Local.......a term for pub
Chip.......to leave
Chuffed......very happy, delighted
off your face......to be very drunk
out of your tree......crazy, drunk or stoned.
in stook......in trouble, usually in the financial sense.
Rosie Lee......rhyming slang for 'tea'
Fag......cigarette
Folding.....paper money
Safe.....everything is good, okay
Shell out....to have to pay for something (unexpectedly)
Mince pies....eyes (rhyming slang)
Monkey....500 pounds (money)
Well ard/hard....expression of appreciation or someone that is really tough
Wind up.....to tease someone
Chippy......fish and chip shop
Cuzzer......curry
Afty.......afternoon
Apples and pears...stairs (rhyming slang)
Bag of mystery....sausage
Bird.........girlfriend
Tenner......ten pounds sterling
Tinkle.......call someone on the phone
Up west.....London's west end
Up for it.....willing to do something
Loads.......a lot
Lairy.......loud, aggressive